she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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