Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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