I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
