it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
