He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
