Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
