You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Small penises have feelings too.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Randomize
