we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
