He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I deserve this hangover.
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