I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
