my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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