your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
