I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
