I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
