I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
