hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
