how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
