Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
