It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
