Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
