after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
BRING THE BAGELS
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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