oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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