you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
