Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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