whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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