If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
