the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
