My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
