walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
