non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
