Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize