dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
