I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
