I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize