And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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