Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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