apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
