I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
