Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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