I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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