capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
