Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
