if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
