So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
