You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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