please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize