wanna go halves on a baby?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
