We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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