Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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