thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
