Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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