It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
