I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
