Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
