2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
