you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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