i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
