There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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