this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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