someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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