The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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