i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
