i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Alive.
So much puke
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
