That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
