why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
