Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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