Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
