Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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