just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
