i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just want nice things and good sex
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
