dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
