I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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