why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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