Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
