I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
