I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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