I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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