It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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