i always forget guys have bellybuttons
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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