This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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