she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
