Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
we should paint friendship bongs
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