It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Randomize
