i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
people are starting to question the shark bite story
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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