we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
MIDGETS
????
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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