i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
