some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
