Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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