I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
