I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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