I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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