You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I can text with my tongue
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
