yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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