All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just tell him i said nine months
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
