I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Acid is not a monday night drug
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
