So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
