I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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