You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I want to walk on stilts...naked
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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