She's JV to your varsity
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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