i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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