And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
