I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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