you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
